The Bernstein Advantage?

Does anyone else in the Detroit Metro area feel that they know entirely too much about the Bernstein family?  They love each other so much.  Yes, they want you to know that their whole firm feels like a family, but are you yet convinced that the true magic at the core of the Sam Bernstein law firm is the Bernstein children?  We don't see the "Call Sam" commercials much anymore.  Sam is clearly passing the torch, and so now we must know the children.  Every couple of months the siblings film a new tribute to each other.   We meet Beth Bernstein, posed confidently in her conservative feminine professional costume: a crisp pencil skirt, fitted suit jacket, long hair and pearls.  Mark is there too, hair freshly clipped, suit a bit too big, earnestly telling us that yes, he and Beth play their parts, but allow him to tell you about his brother Richard. Richard is blind, a triathelete, was voted Michiganian of the Year by the Detroit News, and oh and did he mention that Richard is a lawyer too?

No big deal.  That's just how the Bernsteins roll.  They've got a mountain of accomplishments, and a great big love, and they're going to fight for you with that power.  Here's what they want you to know: You trip and fall on a sidewalk, we're going to unleash our undying, utterly devotional love for each other on the bastards that didn't fix that crack.  Did you know our brother is blind?  And a triathelete?  Those sidewalk-neglecting mo' fo's are going down under the weight of our family's total amazement with each other.

I'm concerned that these commercials will increase in awkward intimacy.  Soon we will learn that Beth, in addition to having been elected Co-Vice Chair of the Accident Victims Rights Alliance, recently survived a less than amicable divorce.  She's not only the representative for Michigan Women's Law Association, but she completes her son's homework for him each night because she cannot bear for him to receive anything less than an A on schoolwork.  Mark flosses three times a day because he is compulsive about his dental hygiene, and he regularly stays late each night at the office, browsing profiles on Match.com.  And Richard, did you know that he can tie a maraschino cherry stem into a knot with his tongue?  Did you also know that he is blind? 

Look, the Bernsteins seem like nice people.  I just feel I know more about them than I should.  It is a lopsided relationship. Plus I miss their dad.  Where's Sam been?  And where are the accident victims who've been rescued by him?  I miss their stories.  Bernsteins, it's not you, it's me.   Maybe with a little time, I'll be ready to learn more about you, but for now, I just need a little space.